D.

I think maybe

I took away all the faith

that you had in me;

And used it for myself.

Cause everything to you

must be conditional.

And I just wanna be

loved for who I am.

Masochistic Love

I tell myself if I do this one thing for you — just one more;

I can captue your love forever and always be yours.

But then I say the wrong thing.  I’m a fuck-up and it’s all my fault.

I should aim to do better.  Learn to do as you taught.

Your masochistic love is a needle in my skin.

It urges me to hurt more and more, and to you not sin.

And each day as it gets harder to breathe or to even feel —

Your words assure to me that this will never be real.

You needed some clay to mold and you chose lucky me.

To move around and reshape til I am what you want me to be.

And now looking in the mirror and inside myself; deep within —

I don’t recognize the girl staring back who’s heart you said you’d mend.

This urgent need to please is becoming somewhat old.

I am tired of being your student, tired of what you’ve told.

I’ll find a way to gather the shattered pieces of my heart,

Realize that the pain I feel will be less when we’re apart;

When my heart is strong enough to see through all your lies,

The girl in the mirror will change form and say her goodbyes.

Love is Evil

Take a few more pills ‘cause I’m not numb enough yet.

You’ve used me long enough — now your heart’s in debt.

Is your mouth incapable of uttering a kind word to me?

Have you just became so cold that this is the way it must be?

 

 Though we share a bed, I know I don’t have your heart.

I’m stuck in a tragic play; my own fault to play this part.

So, let me get medicated enough to forget your little lies —

I need to temporarily fill all these deep voids that I carry inside.

 

I grow so tired of listening to the whirring in my head.

Guess I’d rather be comatose than realize my love is dead.

My tortured little heart still beats and begs for you.

It will somehow continue to love, no matter what you do.

 

Though mankind may sin in so many ways,

It’s amazing how our mindless hearts make us stay.

And it is the tragedy of life to love — win or lose.

Even in the depths of hell, we all need our muse.

Darkness

This darkness over me, is taking control.

It has me in its icy clutch.

It demands I pay the toll;

But inside, I don’t have much.

 

It holds my predertermined destiny

in its cruel black hands.

It has stolen my fate;

And I’m left without a chance.

 

And though I  scream and yell -

It is all in vain.

‘Cause there’s no one I can tell,

or who will hear my eternal pain.

Because of You

Your sweet words echo in my head each day

You help me to make it through

Every time I tell you I’m happy

Well, babe, it’s because of you.

Lying in bed at night, I picture your handsome face

Beautiful eyes, your sensuous lips.

I long to feel myself wrapped in your arms,

To be given your sweet kiss.

I wish you could see the joy in my heart

The love you’ve given me

I wish you could be right here

For now and eternity.

My Lover

My heart flutters each time we speak.

My insides buzz and my knees get weak.

My soul’s ablaze with love’s hot fire -

And all of me burns with your desire.

My fingers long to trace your lips.

I sigh and tremble and grind my hips.

The thought of you sets me free.

And beside you is where I long to be.

Your body, I know, I cannot resist.

So, we’ll make love til time doesn’t exist.

My lover, I await your loving arms.

Pull me away from all of life’s harms.

Let’s create a masterpiece with our lives.

Vowing ourselves to one another, til we die.

Clinging onto this love, forever true.

Just me and my lover – starting life anew.

Numb

I have felt so much that I am numb.

It’s only momentary, long enough to breathe -

then sigh.

The emotion comes rushing back all too soon.

Romance is what every heart secretly hopes for;

In the light of the moon, a lover’s wish.

And my romantic heart with all it’s pangs & bruises

Is left empty again . . . wondering.

I feel the pain creep back in,

Icicles form on my insides -

with dread and doubt -

But nevertheless, inevitably, always comes the pain.

So, in these moments where my soul feels nothing -

I cherish everything.

My heart may be destined to woe and cry -

But that’s the price I pay for romance.

Update

Hello everyone!  I hope this Christmas season is finding you alive with joy!  I just wanted to let everyone know that I’m aware of the fact that my blog seems neglected recently.  I have been busy – out of town / on vacation for 10 days, busy with Christmas planning, and dedicated to quitting smoking.  I will post more poems as the inspiration comes to me and I have time!  I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas.  Be safe and have fun!

And here’s a picture of my kitties that I made for Christmas.

For You

Mere words can not express the beauty of the love that we share.

I can’t begin to write down on paper the joy of our memories -

But my love, I carry them with me everywhere.

I can still smell your scent and feel your touch.

I long to be in your arms tonight; I miss the feeling -

This physical absence of you hurts me – oh so much.

I now know what love is supposed to be.

And I offer you my eternal and most gracious gratitude -

For you show the most generous and special love to me.

On the cold nights, dear, remember our heat.

I am forever with you in heart and soul -

With all that I am, my every heartbeat.

You are the one for whom I hope and pray.

We will share this love the way we are meant to be.

We have each other, love, and we have the way.

Strength (I Am)

**

I am now strong, because at one time I had to be.

I held her hand as she was dying.  Now death can’t strike fear in me.

**

I am capable of loving, because I’ve lost what I had.

I have said goodbye, shed tears, been sad.

**

I can experience pleasure, because I’ve known pain.

I fought my demons, came out ahead – and sane.

**

I can turn my cheek, because I’ve been pushed around.

With each of life’s blows – myself is what I found.

**

I have been tested by Life and have seen the face of Death.

I am now who I need to be in life, with each single breath.

**