Numb

I have felt so much that I am numb.

It’s only momentary, long enough to breathe -

then sigh.

The emotion comes rushing back all too soon.

Romance is what every heart secretly hopes for;

In the light of the moon, a lover’s wish.

And my romantic heart with all it’s pangs & bruises

Is left empty again . . . wondering.

I feel the pain creep back in,

Icicles form on my insides -

with dread and doubt -

But nevertheless, inevitably, always comes the pain.

So, in these moments where my soul feels nothing -

I cherish everything.

My heart may be destined to woe and cry -

But that’s the price I pay for romance.

Demons

I wonder why I fight these demons,

when I know that they will win.

I will fall victim to myself -

my nature is to sin.

I’ve lost the path, lost my way.

And it’s a new struggle everyday.

Life should be happy, not like this.

I add one more pain to the long list.

Sometimes I’m certain it will end.

No pages to turn, no hearts to mend.

I’ll be in the shadows, and fade to black.

Give in to myself, never turning back.

 

Battle

The day is done and I feel like falling apart.

I’m so exhausted – mind, body, soul, and heart.

I sometimes wonder just how much I can give.

When you take away so much, trying to change the way I live.

Something stronger, and much better than my initial thoughts -

Lives inside me and today it fought.

Today’s battle is over, but the war’s not yet won.

Let’s start this all over with the rise of tomorrow’s sun.

 

I Fall

Slowly, silently I fall . . .

The winds whisper change as my skirt billows in the breeze.

The sun shines on my face – as the icy bite of the wind whips at my bare knees.

The ground is cold, and my heart warm.

My insides jitter at the start of this morn .

I fall as deeply as I need to be.

I fall – and fall – lightly and carefree.

I feel the breeze in my hair –

faraway from the world’s harsh stare.

I fall and fall, want and need -

And where my heart leads me to be.

I fall, and fall – fall into you.

Wrap you in these feelings – that I know you feel too.

An Explanation

I think of the feeling of your warm skin against mine,
your soft lips,
the way your look at me with your loving yet piercing eyes.

And I know I am in love
Not some fleeting kind of emotion most would associate with the word -
but real love,
the kind that’s been tested and yet only grows with time.

My life before you was only a prologue to the bigger story that I am now part of.
The days before I knew your love have become but a hazy, faraway dream.

Waking up to you each morning,
late nights filled with laughter,
the intoxicating love and happiness you gift me each day,
are the most gracious blessings my life has ever known.

Summer Solitude

As I watch the leaves dance in silhouette against the window from a passing car’s headlights, I think of you.  I wonder why the moments in my life when I’m genuinely happy pass so quickly, while my times of loneliness and solitude seem almost neverending.  The clock has become my enemy, it’s almost muted tick , a slow and menacing drumbeat in my ears.  It is in these painful and disheartening moments that I realize, although I could live without   (your)  love, I would not want to.

This poem, as with all my blog entries, is written and owned by me.  Please do not reproduce anything that is contained within my blog, as I do not give permission for anyone to do so.