Numb

I have felt so much that I am numb.

It’s only momentary, long enough to breathe -

then sigh.

The emotion comes rushing back all too soon.

Romance is what every heart secretly hopes for;

In the light of the moon, a lover’s wish.

And my romantic heart with all it’s pangs & bruises

Is left empty again . . . wondering.

I feel the pain creep back in,

Icicles form on my insides -

with dread and doubt -

But nevertheless, inevitably, always comes the pain.

So, in these moments where my soul feels nothing -

I cherish everything.

My heart may be destined to woe and cry -

But that’s the price I pay for romance.

Strength (I Am)

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I am now strong, because at one time I had to be.

I held her hand as she was dying.  Now death can’t strike fear in me.

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I am capable of loving, because I’ve lost what I had.

I have said goodbye, shed tears, been sad.

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I can experience pleasure, because I’ve known pain.

I fought my demons, came out ahead – and sane.

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I can turn my cheek, because I’ve been pushed around.

With each of life’s blows – myself is what I found.

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I have been tested by Life and have seen the face of Death.

I am now who I need to be in life, with each single breath.

**

Favorite Poets and Poems

Here is a list of my favorite poets and lines from some of my favorite poems.  I find inspiration in their words.

Emily Dickinson:

PROUD of my broken heart since thou didst break it,

Proud of the pain I did not feel til thee.

William Shakespeare:

All the world’s a stage,

And all the men and women merely players:

They have their exits and their entrances.

Pablo Neruda:

My life grows tired, hungry to no purpose.

I love what I do not have.  You are so far.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow:

TELL me not in mournful numbers,

Life is but an empty dream! -

For the soul is dead that slumbers,

And things are not what they seem.

William Ernest Henley:

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

I have always been a fan of poetry and writing my own poems.  Leave a comment and let me know what your favorite poems and poets are.  I’d love to find new poetry to read.

Demons

I wonder why I fight these demons,

when I know that they will win.

I will fall victim to myself -

my nature is to sin.

I’ve lost the path, lost my way.

And it’s a new struggle everyday.

Life should be happy, not like this.

I add one more pain to the long list.

Sometimes I’m certain it will end.

No pages to turn, no hearts to mend.

I’ll be in the shadows, and fade to black.

Give in to myself, never turning back.

 

Tears

Tears cleanse the soul –

bringing it all together –

making me whole.

I taste the salt -

feel the bitter emotions -

in myself, finding fault.

The sobs bring pain -

My ribs ache -

But nothing is in vain.

I will pull myself together -

tonight -

These tears won’t last forever.

Battle

The day is done and I feel like falling apart.

I’m so exhausted – mind, body, soul, and heart.

I sometimes wonder just how much I can give.

When you take away so much, trying to change the way I live.

Something stronger, and much better than my initial thoughts -

Lives inside me and today it fought.

Today’s battle is over, but the war’s not yet won.

Let’s start this all over with the rise of tomorrow’s sun.

 

Broken-Hearted

My heart is breaking, my insides are shaking.
I don’t know what to do – I’ve never known life without you.
We both agree that this is what’s best.  We tried, oh we tried to beat life’s cruel test.
There will always be a place for you in my heart – even though soon, we will part.
I want to kiss your pain away; beg and plead for you to stay.
But we know this is what we need.  There’s no arguments on that, no greed.
I want you to know I truly wish you the best – I hope you find wonderful joy and happiness.

Tell Me

Tell me who I’m suppose to be today, because I really just don’t know.

I’ll put on my happy face & this cold place will feel like home.

I’m the ragdoll of your life – just tell me what to do.

Fling me this way or that – I’ll be your dolly, shiny & new.

It’s an utter shame when facades become who we are.

And though we pretend, we cannot hide every scar.

Heaven

Heaven took the Heaven from my life.

I watched you suffer – In sorrow, I watched you die.

No longer will I hear your words, nor see your pretty face.

I am left alone, in this world to linger, til my end of days.

I hope the angels realize just how lucky they are;

For in their sky, burns my shining star.

‘Tis a moment of truth, I suppose -

Heaven may have you, but I won’t let go.

Me

I WONDER:

What is wrong with me?

Everything I touch or see carries an emotion.

My hands lay idle as my mind seeks disappointment for its own sake.

Breathing has become mundane – simply a taught thing that I must surrender to.

Looking from the world’s eye – here is me – sad and torn.  Some withered ball of emotion.

In all my woes, looking for something bigger – bigger than myself and this ridiculous world.

My eyes see everything – and each piece is a memory, some small speckle in time.

I want and I need and I dream.

A sad girl with her pursed lips and cigarettes; wound into herself.  This is me.